Program / Course 24: Apologetic Practicum / Lesson 7.3
What you will learn
- Distinguish fair criticism, unfair criticism and abuse.
- Take in a criticism, find what is true in it and respond without defensiveness.
- Use a simple order of steps for responding to criticism in writing.
- Know when a criticism should be answered, when it should be accepted and when it should be left alone.
The big idea
Anyone who explains or defends the faith will be criticized, sometimes fairly and sometimes cruelly. The temptation is to counterattack or to collapse. A better course is to listen for what is true in the criticism, answer what needs an answer and let go of the rest. Scripture praises the one who accepts correction (Proverbs 12:1) and warns against returning evil for evil (1 Peter 3:9). Handling criticism well is a mark of humility and a protection against turning apologetics into a contest of ego. All exercises are private.
Key terms
- Fair criticism
- A criticism that is accurate, relevant and made in good faith, even if sharply.
- Unfair criticism
- A criticism that misstates facts, attacks a straw man or has no basis.
- Abuse
- Hostile treatment of a person, such as insult or threat, which is not a criticism of an argument.
- Defensiveness
- An automatic reaction to protect oneself from criticism, which blocks listening.
- Correction
- Pointing out an error so that it can be fixed.
- Rebuke
- A sharp expression of disapproval, which may be fair or unfair.
- Humility
- A truthful view of yourself, including your limits and mistakes.
Background
Optional note: this unit is part of the optional material on integrity online. The practice applies in any setting, including family, church and work, and nothing here requires public speech.
The Wisdom books treat the reception of correction as a test of character. ‘Whoso loveth instruction loveth knowledge: but he that hateth reproof is brutish’ (Proverbs 12:1). ‘Faithful are the wounds of a friend’ (Proverbs 27:6). Peter reminds believers that suffering for doing well is blessed, and that they should not return reviling for reviling (1 Peter 2:23 and 3:9). In the Gospels, Jesus is criticized and mocked and responds in a variety of ways, sometimes with silence (Matthew 27:12 to 27:14), sometimes with a question and sometimes with a sharp rebuke of leaders. The pattern shows no single rule.
Christian writers have long seen criticism as an occasion for growth. The desert fathers sought correction from elders. Monastic rules, such as the Rule of Benedict, value the humility to accept correction. At the same time, traditions recognize that some criticism is slander, and that Christians may defend the truth. Wisdom lies in telling which is which.
Step-by-step explanation
Step 1: Stop and breathe
The first reaction to criticism is often heat. Do not reply while it lasts. Move away from the screen or the room. A rule of waiting a day before answering any sharp criticism can prevent regret.
While you wait, notice what you feel: anger, shame, fear or the wish to be vindicated. Naming it reduces its hold.
Step 2: Sort the criticism
Read it again and sort its parts. What is a factual claim? What is a judgment about your argument? What is an insult? Which parts are accurate, partly accurate or false? Most criticisms mix the three. Treat each part separately.
Ask whether the critic has seen something you missed. Many writers learn most from their sharpest critics.
Step 3: Accept what is true
If the critic is right, say so simply: ‘You are right. I made that mistake, and I have corrected it.’ Do not add excuses. Thank the critic if the correction helped. Correct the original material if you can.
If you are partly wrong, say which part. ‘I agree with the first point. On the second I think I was right, and here is why.’ Such an answer is fair and shows that you have listened.
Step 4: Answer what needs an answer
If the criticism is unfair or based on a misunderstanding, reply briefly with facts and a source. State once what you actually said or meant. Do not match tone. If the critic is mistaken about your view, restate it plainly and leave it.
A good public reply is short and sets the record straight for readers. A long defense often looks like anxiety.
Step 5: Let abuse go
Abuse contains no criticism to answer. You may ignore it, block the abuser or report it where a platform allows. Jesus told his disciples to bless those who curse them and pray for those who despitefully use them (Luke 6:28). That does not require you to remain in range. If there are threats, take them seriously and seek help from the appropriate authorities.
Afterward, talk to a trusted person, such as a friend, pastor, priest or counselor. Do not carry the weight alone.
- What is actually being claimed, apart from the tone?
- Which part of this is true, and have I been willing to see it?
- Is my first impulse to defend myself or to learn?
- What facts or sources would settle the matter?
- Is this criticism, or abuse that needs no reply?
- Whom can I talk to about how this feels?
Examples
Accepting a correction
A reader points out that a quotation attributed to a saint in an article has no source. The writer checks, agrees, removes the quotation and writes, ‘Thank you. You are right. I have corrected the article.’ The exchange takes thirty seconds and gains trust. (Constructed example.)
A partly fair criticism
A critic says that an article is unfair to Catholic teaching on Mary and is ignorant. The writer reviews the Catechism and finds that one sentence did misstate the teaching but the rest was accurate. The writer corrects the sentence, thanks the critic for the specific point and says calmly that the rest stands for the stated reasons. (Constructed example.)
Abuse
A commenter posts a string of insults with no argument. The writer chooses not to reply, uses the platform’s tools to block the commenter and prays for him. Nothing in the message required an answer. (Constructed example.)
Different perspectives
Catholic thought
Catholic spiritual tradition values humility and the acceptance of correction, as in the writings of Francis de Sales and Ignatius of Loyola, while holding that a person may defend truth and reputation. The Catechism treats calumny and detraction as sins against truth, so unfair criticism is recognized as wrong.
Orthodox thought
Orthodox ascetic writers often teach that insults can be received as medicine for the soul, and that a person should accept blame and avoid justifying himself. The sayings of the desert fathers contain many stories of monks who took correction in silence.
Protestant thought
Protestants often cite the Proverbs on accepting reproof and the New Testament on blessing persecutors. Reformation history also shows leaders who answered critics with fierce polemic, and many modern Protestants regard that style with regret.
Psychological view
Psychologists describe defensiveness as a natural reaction to threat to self-image and suggest strategies such as pausing, separating the message from the messenger and looking for the kernel of truth. These strategies are consistent with traditional spiritual practices.
Why it matters
Apologetics invites criticism, and how you respond becomes part of your witness. Accepting a fair correction gracefully shows that you care about truth more than appearance. Declining to answer abuse protects your peace and attention. And the habit of listening to critics makes you wiser, since critics often see what friends are too kind to mention.
Common misunderstandings
Misunderstanding: Every criticism is an attack.
Correction: Many criticisms are help, even if uncomfortable. Scripture calls the wounds of a friend faithful (Proverbs 27:6).
Misunderstanding: Staying humble means never defending yourself.
Correction: Humility is truthfulness about yourself. Correcting a false claim about what you said is not pride. What matters is tone and proportion.
Misunderstanding: If criticism is delivered rudely, it can be ignored.
Correction: Rudeness does not make a point false. A fair point may come in an ugly package. Separate the two.
Misunderstanding: Blocking or ignoring abusers is unchristian.
Correction: Blessing an abuser does not require staying within reach. Jesus himself withdrew from hostility at times (Luke 4:30).
Knowledge check
What is the first step when you receive criticism?
Pause. Heat distorts judgment and invites regrettable replies. Stepping away, waiting a day if possible, and naming your feelings give you room to read the criticism clearly. After the pause, you can sort it into facts, judgments and insults, and respond to each in its proper way.
How should you handle a criticism that is partly fair?
Say clearly which part is right and correct it, thank the critic for the specific point, and explain briefly why you hold your position on the rest. This shows that you listened and keeps the exchange honest. Avoid excuses and long defenses.
What distinguishes abuse from criticism?
Criticism makes a claim about an argument or fact that can be examined. Abuse is hostile treatment of a person, such as insult or threat, with no claim to answer. It need not be answered and may be blocked or reported. Threats should be taken seriously and referred to the proper authorities.
What do Proverbs 12:1 and 27:6 say about correction?
Proverbs 12:1 says that whoever loves instruction loves knowledge, and whoever hates reproof is brutish. Proverbs 27:6 says the wounds of a friend are faithful. Together they present willingness to be corrected as a mark of wisdom and honest correction as a form of friendship.
Why talk to a trusted person after harsh criticism?
Harsh criticism can hurt more than it appears and can distort judgment. A pastor, priest, friend or counselor can offer perspective and care, and can help you see what is true in the criticism and what is not. Carrying it alone often increases its weight.
Think it through
- What kind of criticism are you quickest to defend against?
- Who in your life can tell you hard truths, and how do you respond to them?
- Is there a criticism you received that you now think was right?
- How would you advise a friend who received a flood of hostile replies?
Independent assignment
Sorting a criticism
In your own notebook, write 400 to 600 words. Recall or invent (and label) a sharp criticism of something you wrote or said about your faith. Sort it into factual claims, judgments and insults. For each factual claim, note whether it is true and what source would check it. Write a reply of about 100 words that accepts what is true, answers what needs an answer and ignores the rest. Then note how you felt writing it. Keep this private.
Further study
- Benedict of Nursia, The Rule of St. Benedict Read the chapters on humility and on the acceptance of correction.
- Benedicta Ward, trans., The Sayings of the Desert Fathers: The Alphabetical Collection Read sayings on receiving blame and correction. Copy two into your notebook.
- Thomas a Kempis, The Imitation of Christ The chapters on humility and on bearing the faults of others.
- Brother Lawrence, The Practice of the Presence of God Brother Lawrence on patience under trial.
- Proverbs 12:1 He that hateth reproof is brutish.
- Proverbs 27:6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend.
- 1 Peter 2:23 Christ, when reviled, reviled not again.