Program / Course 15: The Problem of Evil and Suffering / Lesson 6.3
What you will learn
- Describe the biblical basis for caring for the sick, the bereaved and the afflicted.
- Explain why presence and listening usually come before explanation.
- List common unhelpful sayings and say why they harm.
- Identify when a person needs professional medical or psychological help and how a caregiver should respond.
The big idea
The study of the problem of evil is meant to end in care for real people. Scripture commands believers to weep with those who weep, to bear one another’s burdens and to visit the sick. Good care is often simple: be present, listen, help in practical ways, return again and again, and speak little. Many well-meant sayings, such as everything happens for a reason, wound more than they help. Caregivers also need to know their limits, and to bring in doctors, counselors and emergency help when a person is in danger.
Key terms
- Ministry of presence
- Care that consists mainly of being with a suffering person, without trying to fix or explain.
- Active listening
- Giving full attention to what another says, and checking that you have understood, without interrupting or correcting.
- Pastoral care
- The care of persons by clergy or trained lay people, drawing on the resources of faith.
- Anointing of the Sick
- A Catholic sacrament in which a priest anoints the seriously ill with oil and prays for them, based on James 5:14-15. Orthodox practice has a similar rite called Holy Unction.
- Corporal works of mercy
- In Catholic teaching, acts of care for bodily needs, such as feeding the hungry and visiting the sick.
- Compassion fatigue
- The exhaustion that caregivers can feel after long exposure to others’ pain.
- Referral
- Directing a person to someone better equipped to help, such as a doctor, counselor or crisis service.
Background
The New Testament does not treat care of the suffering as optional. Paul writes, “Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep” (Romans 12:15). He tells the Galatians, “Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2). James writes that pure religion includes visiting the fatherless and widows in their affliction (James 1:27). In Jesus’ account of the last judgment, those who visited the sick are praised (Matthew 25:36).
The book of Job shows the pattern at its best and worst. For seven days, his friends sit with him in silence (Job 2:13). When they begin to explain, God rebukes them. The lesson is one that careful pastoral writers in all traditions repeat: presence first, words later, and fewer words than you think.
This lesson is practical. It is not a replacement for training in counseling or medicine, and it does not tell the student what to do in every case. It collects guidance that Christian traditions and the helping professions share. A student who is caring for a person in crisis should seek advice from a trained person.
Step-by-step explanation
Step 1: Be present
The most important thing a caregiver can do is to be there. This means coming to the hospital, sitting in the kitchen, calling on the anniversary, and returning after the funeral when others have gone. Many bereaved persons say that the worst loneliness comes after the first few weeks, when the casseroles stop.
Presence also means patience. Grief and illness are not on a schedule. A caregiver must accept that the sufferer may be angry, may repeat the same story, or may not want to talk. The caregiver does not have to produce a change. Staying is the gift.
Step 2: Listen
People in pain need to tell their story, often many times. Good listening means giving full attention, not rushing to fill silence, and asking simple questions such as What was she like? or What has the hardest part been? It also means letting the person say things that may be hard to hear, including anger at God. A caregiver does not need to defend God. The Psalms show that these cries are acceptable prayer.
Listening is not passive. It includes noticing signs of danger, such as talk of hopelessness, plans to end life, refusal to eat or sleep for long periods, or signs of abuse. If these appear, listening must lead to action, as described in Step 5.
Step 3: Help in practical ways
Specific offers help more than general ones. Saying let me know if you need anything often leaves the burden on the sufferer. Saying I will bring supper on Tuesday, or I can drive you to the appointment on Friday, can be accepted. Practical help includes meals, childcare, errands, paperwork and household tasks. In the early church such care was a central part of Christian identity, and pagan writers noted that Christians nursed the sick even in times of plague.
The sacraments and rites of the churches also provide care. Catholics offer the Anointing of the Sick, Orthodox the rite of Holy Unction, and many Protestant churches pray with the laying on of hands and anointing in the spirit of James 5:14-15. These are acts of the community, and many recipients report comfort from them. They are not guarantees of recovery.
Step 4: What not to say
Some phrases are repeatedly reported as hurtful, even when kindly meant. Everything happens for a reason claims to know what no human knows. God needed another angel, or God took her, ascribes the death to God’s decision in a way that may make God seem cruel. At least he is no longer suffering, or at least you have other children, diminishes the loss. You must be strong, or You should be over this by now, pressures the sufferer. Time heals can seem dismissive. If you had more faith, blames the sufferer.
Better phrases are plain: I am so sorry. I am here. I do not know what to say. I remember him. Silence and a hand on the shoulder, where welcome, can be better than speech. The mistakes of Job’s friends were to explain and to accuse. Their best moment was their silence. A caregiver can pray quietly with the person and, if asked, read a psalm.
Step 5: Know your limits
Not everything is a spiritual problem. Grief can shade into depression. A person who cannot function for months, who speaks of wanting to die, or who has lost the will to live needs professional help, and a caregiver should say so kindly and help to arrange it. In case of immediate danger, contact emergency services or a crisis line. A person who may be in an abusive situation needs safety and expert help, and should not be told to endure.
Caregivers also need care. Long exposure to suffering can wear down a person. Churches wisely support their caregivers with rest, supervision and prayer. The tradition’s old teaching that God, and not the caregiver, is the savior is a relief, since it means a caregiver need not fix everything.
Finally, care is the proper end of the discussion of evil. The Christian answer, as the cross suggests, is not mainly a theory. It is a community that sits with the afflicted in the hope of the resurrection.
- Why do you think Job’s friends are praised for their silence but rebuked for their speech?
- What is the difference between a general offer of help and a specific one?
- Why do well-meant sayings sometimes wound?
- What would be a better thing to say than everything happens for a reason?
- How can a caregiver tell when a spiritual problem is also a medical one?
- What do the churches’ rites for the sick give that a private visit might not?
Examples
The casserole and the second month
A neighbor brings a meal when a husband dies. The widow remembers that the neighbor also phoned in the third month, when she was alone, and asked to take her to the cemetery. She says the second act mattered more. (A constructed example.)
Three replies
A mother tells a friend that her baby has died. The first reply is, God must have a plan. The second is, I will sit with you. The third is silence and an embrace. Most bereaved mothers say they remember the second and third. The first, they say, closed the conversation. (Constructed from commonly reported experiences.)
Knowing when to refer
A volunteer visiting a man after his wife’s death notices that he has stopped eating and says he sees no point in going on. She does not argue theology. She stays with him, calls his doctor and a crisis line with his consent, and informs the pastor. This is the right order of action. (A constructed example.)
Different perspectives
Catholic
The Church teaches that visiting the sick is one of the corporal works of mercy and offers the Anointing of the Sick, the sacrament of Viaticum for the dying, and chaplaincy in hospitals. Catholic moral teaching adds that every human life has dignity and deserves care to the end, with appropriate pain relief.
Orthodox
Orthodox practice includes Holy Unction, prayers for the sick, and visits by priests and parishioners. The Orthodox tradition holds that the church prays for the sick and the dying together, and that no one should die alone if the community can help. Fasting and almsgiving are linked with care for the poor and ill.
Protestant
Protestants emphasize the priesthood of all believers, so that care is the work of every Christian and not only of clergy. Churches organize deacons, visiting teams and prayer groups. Luther wrote on comforting the sick and dying, and many denominations run hospitals and counseling ministries.
Medical and psychological views
Palliative care and chaplaincy training stress presence, listening and respect for the patient’s own beliefs. Mental health professionals advise that prolonged or severe grief, depression and suicidal thoughts need professional care. Many hospitals welcome clergy and trained volunteers as part of a team and not as substitutes for clinicians.
Why it matters
A course on suffering that ended with theory alone would repeat the mistake of Job’s friends. Learning to be present, to speak little, and to seek help when needed puts the lessons of the course into practice. It is also what the tradition has most consistently asked of believers.
Common misunderstandings
Misunderstanding: A caregiver must have an answer to the sufferer’s questions.
Correction: Most sufferers do not want an answer from the caregiver. They want company and to be heard. The tradition praises the friends’ silence in Job 2:13.
Misunderstanding: Offering medical or psychological help is a failure of faith.
Correction: Christian traditions have long founded hospitals and honored physicians. Seeking medical help is consistent with prayer, and it is often a form of it.
Misunderstanding: Telling a sufferer to look on the bright side is a kindness.
Correction: It often communicates that the pain is unwelcome. Hope is best offered after the person has been heard, and in a manner the person can receive.
Knowledge check
What does the New Testament command about caring for those who suffer?
Paul tells believers to weep with those who weep and to bear one another’s burdens. James names visiting orphans and widows in affliction as pure religion, and Jesus counts visiting the sick as service to himself in Matthew 25. Care of the afflicted is a central duty of Christian life and not an optional extra.
Why is presence more important than explanation?
Most sufferers need company and a hearing more than a theory, and explanations can sound like accusations or dismissals. The book of Job shows that the friends did best when they sat in silence and worst when they explained. Presence also lasts, since returning after the first weeks matters greatly.
Which common sayings are unhelpful, and what is a better alternative?
Sayings such as everything happens for a reason, God needed another angel, at least he is no longer suffering, or if you had more faith, tend to explain, minimize or blame. Simple words are better: I am sorry, I am here, I remember her. A specific offer of help is better than a vague one.
When should a caregiver seek professional help?
When a person speaks of wanting to die, cannot function for a long time, shows signs of severe depression, or may be in danger from abuse or illness. The caregiver should stay with the person, help to contact a doctor, counselor, crisis line or emergency services, and involve trusted pastoral support. Faith and professional care work together.
Think it through
- Who has been present to you in a hard time, and what did they do?
- What phrase have you said to a sufferer that you now regret, or been told that hurt?
- What limits do you need to respect in your own capacity to care?
Independent assignment
A care plan
In your own notebook, write about 400 words. Imagine a friend whose parent has died. List five specific things you could do over the next three months. Write three sentences you could say, and three you would avoid, with reasons. Add a short note on the signs that would lead you to encourage the friend to seek professional help. Keep the work private.
Further study
- Romans 12:15 Weep with them that weep.
- Galatians 6:2 Bear ye one another’s burdens.
- James 5:14 The sick are to call for the elders of the church, who pray and anoint with oil.
- Matthew 25:36 I was sick, and ye visited me.
- John Chrysostom, On the Priesthood Read for the Orthodox and patristic view of pastoral care.
- Benedict of Nursia, The Rule of St. Benedict Read the chapter on the care of the sick.