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Course 3 · Lesson 6.4

Hospitality, family and neighbor

10 minute read

Lessons in this course

Course 3 outline

Module 1: The Idea of a Rule

  1. What a rule of life is, and what it is for
  2. Pachomius and the first written rule
  3. Basil of Caesarea and his Rules
  4. Benedict: the Rule as a school of the Lord’s service
  5. Adapting a monastic rule for ordinary life

Module 2: The Hours and the Psalms

  1. Origins of fixed-hour prayer in Jewish and early Christian practice
  2. The Divine Office in the West and the hours in the East
  3. How to pray the Psalms: lament, praise, trust, wisdom and imprecation
  4. Building a simple office for one person

Module 3: Scripture and the Prayer of the Heart

  1. Lectio divina: reading, meditation, prayer and contemplation
  2. Meditative reading compared with study and with Ignatian imaginative prayer
  3. The Jesus Prayer: its words, its history and its Eastern setting
  4. Practicing the prayer of the heart, with its cautions

Module 4: Fasting, Giving, Rest and the Year

  1. Fasting in Scripture and tradition, and its safe limits
  2. Almsgiving and care for the poor
  3. Sabbath rest and the Lord’s Day: how traditions differ
  4. The church year: Advent to Pentecost and the ordinary weeks

Module 5: Conscience, Confession and Worship Alone

  1. Examination of conscience: methods old and new
  2. Confession in the Catholic, Orthodox and Protestant traditions
  3. Repentance, confession to God and to a trusted person when no minister is available
  4. What worship alone can include: prayer, Scripture, song, the hours
  5. What the traditions say requires a church or ordained minister

Module 6: Seasons and Ordinary Duties

  1. Silence as a discipline and its dangers
  2. Planning a day, a weekend and a longer retreat
  3. Work as part of the rule: ora et labora
  4. Hospitality, family and neighbor

Module 7: Dryness, Perseverance and Review

  1. Dryness and the dark night: what the tradition teaches
  2. Acedia: Evagrius, Cassian and the noonday demon
  3. Doubt and perseverance
  4. Accountability for a rule of life
  5. Reviewing and revising a rule at thirty days, ninety days and one year

All courses

Program / Course 3: The Rule of Life / Lesson 6.4

What you will learn

  • Describe the biblical teaching on hospitality and duties to family.
  • Explain how Benedict’s Rule ranks hospitality alongside prayer.
  • Use the stories of Martha and Mary and of the corban saying to think about duty and devotion.
  • Build hospitality and family duties into a rule so that they are not crowded out.

The big idea

A rule of life that serves only the person who keeps it has failed. Scripture ties love of God to love of neighbor, and requires care for family, guests and strangers. Benedict says guests are to be received as Christ and puts hospitality above his own rule of silence and fasting. Jesus rebuked those who used religious vows to avoid caring for parents. The traditions agree that duties to family and neighbor shape the rule and may interrupt it, and they warn against using devotion as an excuse for neglecting people.

Key terms

Hospitality
The welcome and care of guests and strangers. The Greek word philoxenia means love of the stranger.
Duty
An obligation arising from a relationship or role, such as that of a parent, child, spouse or neighbor.
Corban
A Hebrew word for a gift dedicated to God. In Mark 7, Jesus criticizes the use of corban to avoid supporting parents.
Neighbor
In Luke 10:25-37, anyone in need whom a person meets and can help.
Guest master
In a monastery, the monk who receives and looks after guests.
Filial duty
The duty of children toward parents, including honor and care in age.

Background

The Bible gives hospitality a high place. Abraham received three strangers at Mamre and entertained, as the letter to the Hebrews says, angels unawares (Genesis 18; Hebrews 13:2). The law commands love of the stranger because Israel was a stranger in Egypt (Leviticus 19:34). Jesus says that on the last day he will say, I was a stranger, and ye took me in (Matthew 25:35). Paul tells believers to be given to hospitality (Romans 12:13), and Peter says to use hospitality one to another without grudging (1 Peter 4:9).

Family duties are also taught. The fifth commandment says to honor father and mother (Exodus 20:12). Paul writes that if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith (1 Timothy 5:8). Husbands and wives owe one another love and the rendering of due benevolence (Ephesians 5; 1 Corinthians 7:3). In Mark 7:9-13, Jesus condemns those who say corban of what they would have given to their parents, thus making the word of God of none effect. A vow of devotion may not excuse neglect.

Step-by-step explanation

Step 1: Benedict on guests

Chapter 53 of the Rule says that all guests who arrive are to be received as Christ, for he will say, I was a stranger and you took me in. The abbot and the community greet the guest with every mark of charity, pray together, and then sit down together. The abbot may break his fast for the guest, unless it is a principal fast day, and the monks wash the guest’s feet. Guests have a separate kitchen so that the monastery is not disturbed.

Benedict places hospitality above his own regulations. Silence is broken to answer a knock at the gate (chapter 66). The abbot may relax a fast. For a monastery committed to prayer, this is a notable teaching. Hospitality is not an interruption of the holy life. It is part of it.

Step 2: Martha and Mary

In Luke 10:38-42 Martha receives Jesus into her house and is busy with serving, while Mary sits at his feet and listens. Martha complains, and Jesus says, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part. Traditions read the story in different ways. Some have taken it to mean that contemplation is higher than service. Augustine and others have said that both are good, with Martha’s work a figure of this life and Mary’s listening a figure of the life to come. Others note that the point is Martha’s anxiety, not her hospitality.

A fair reading is that Jesus does not condemn service. He corrects a distracted spirit that cannot listen. A rule must therefore include both, and must watch for the worry that makes service joyless.

Step 3: Family and neighbor first

The desert sayings contain many stories in which a monk puts aside a fast or prayer rule to welcome a visitor. The point is that love of neighbor outranks private asceticism. A person who leaves a sick spouse to go to a retreat, or who makes children wait for an hour of prayer, has the order wrong.

This does not mean prayer never interrupts anything. Prayer may require an hour away from a task, and family members can learn to respect it. The question is whether the rule is arranged with the family and in love. A good test is to ask those who live with the person whether the rule has made him or her more patient and present or less.

Step 4: Practical hospitality within a rule

Hospitality need not mean elaborate meals. It can mean making room: a meal shared with a neighbor, a phone call to a lonely person, a visit to someone ill, a seat at the table for a stranger. Put it in the weekly pattern. Decide on a regular evening or time to invite someone, or a standing visit.

Also plan for interruptions. If the rule is a floor and a ceiling, as described earlier, an unexpected guest or crisis moves the day to the floor without guilt. Wisdom is also needed about safety. Hospitality to strangers should take sensible precautions, particularly for those who live alone or with children.

  1. Who in my household or neighborhood needs more of my time than I give?
  2. Do I treat interruptions as intrusions or as opportunities?
  3. How would my family describe my rule?
  4. When did I last welcome someone who could not repay me?
  5. Am I a Martha, a Mary or both, and where do I go wrong?
  6. What would I stop if hospitality required it?

Examples

A rule bends

A woman is about to start her evening prayers when a neighbor knocks, upset. She sits with the neighbor for an hour and prays briefly after. She does not regret it. (A constructed example.)

A weekly table

A retired man sets one place at his table every Thursday for someone who would otherwise eat alone. He invites people from his street in turn. (A constructed example.)

Devotion as excuse

A man spends every evening in study of Scripture and refuses to help his teenage son with homework, saying he is busy with God. His wife says the son feels abandoned. He changes his schedule. (A constructed example. Compare the corban saying in Mark 7.)

Different perspectives

The Benedictine and Catholic view

Benedictine hospitality is one of the best known traditions of the Church. The Catechism teaches that works of mercy include welcoming strangers. The Church also teaches that duties of state, such as those of a parent, take precedence over private devotions.

The Orthodox view

Orthodox tradition prizes philoxenia and stories of saints who received strangers. The Gospel on the last judgment (Matthew 25) is read at the start of Great Lent, linking fasting and hospitality.

The Protestant view

Protestants stress the home as the first place of service and ministry. Luther’s table of duties in the Small Catechism sets out the duties of parents, children, workers and citizens. Many Protestant churches practice hospitality in shared meals.

The Jewish view

Jewish tradition treats hospitality to guests, hachnasat orchim, as a great commandment, drawing on Abraham’s welcome. The Hebrew Scriptures shared with Christians give the shape of the teaching.

Why it matters

The strongest test of a rule is how the person treats the people nearest. Because hospitality and family duties can seem to compete with prayer, it is easy to treat them as obstacles. The tradition insists that they belong to the rule. A student who builds hospitality into the plan from the start avoids a common failure.

Common misunderstandings

Misunderstanding: Prayer always takes priority over people.

Correction: The tradition says the opposite when real need arises. Benedict, the desert sayings and Jesus’ words in Mark 7 put love of neighbor and duty to family before private devotion.

Misunderstanding: Jesus told Martha that service is worse than listening.

Correction: Traditions read the story differently, but none holds that service is wrong. Jesus corrects Martha’s anxiety and distraction.

Misunderstanding: Hospitality means opening my home to anyone.

Correction: Prudence belongs to the tradition. Welcome should be real and also sensible about safety, especially for people living alone or with children.

Knowledge check

What does chapter 53 of the Rule of Benedict say?

It says all guests are to be received as Christ. The abbot and community greet and pray with them, may break a fast to eat with them, wash their feet and give them a separate kitchen. Hospitality is treated as part of the monastic life and not an interruption.

What does Mark 7:9-13 teach about duty?

Jesus criticizes those who declare property corban, dedicated to God, in order to avoid supporting their parents. He says this makes the word of God of none effect. A religious vow or devotion cannot excuse neglect of family duties.

How do traditions read Martha and Mary?

Some read Mary’s listening as higher than service. Augustine and others read both as good, one as a figure of this life and the other of the next. Others stress that Jesus corrects Martha’s anxiety, not her serving. None condemns hospitality.

How can hospitality be built into a rule?

By setting a regular time to invite a guest or visit someone, by letting the day move to the floor of the rule when a guest or crisis arrives and by exercising prudence about safety. It need not be elaborate, since a shared meal or a phone call counts.

Think it through

  1. Whom do you find hardest to welcome?
  2. What would your closest relatives say about your rule of life?
  3. What interruptions in your day could be reread as gifts?

Independent assignment

Household review

In your notebook, write 300 to 450 words. List the people who depend on you or live with you, and one duty you owe each. Check your draft rule against that list. Name one practice of hospitality you will add and one change to the rule that the list requires. If possible, ask one member of your household what they would like changed. Do not post it.

Further study