Program / Course 2: The Solitary Christian in Depth / Lesson 3.3
What you will learn
- Name several forms of Christian fellowship that do not require weekly membership in a congregation.
- Judge the strengths and limits of each form, including online fellowship.
- Explain what the traditions say fellowship cannot replace.
- Plan a realistic set of relationships that gives a solitary Christian both support and correction.
The big idea
Fellowship is the shared life of Christians: prayer for one another, honest conversation, help in need and correction in love. A weekly congregation is the usual form of it, but it is not the only form. People who cannot or do not attend a local church can still build real fellowship through letters, calls, small groups, retreats, spiritual direction and friendships with other believers. Each form has limits. A well-chosen set of them can give a solitary person what the New Testament asks of fellowship, though the traditions disagree about what it cannot replace.
Key terms
- Fellowship (koinonia)
- A Greek word meaning sharing or partnership. In the New Testament it describes the common life of believers, including prayer, teaching, meals and material help.
- Spiritual director
- A person, often but not always clergy or a member of a religious order, who meets with another to help him or her notice and respond to God. Direction is not therapy and not confession.
- Oblate
- A lay person associated with a monastery who follows its spirit in his or her own life and visits from time to time. Benedictine oblates are the best known.
- Retreat
- A period of days set apart for prayer and quiet, often at a monastery or retreat house.
- Small group
- A gathering of a few believers for study, prayer and conversation, often in a home.
- Accountability
- Willingness to be asked questions about how one is living and to take the answers seriously. Lesson 5.3 treats it in detail.
Background
The first Christians met mostly in homes, in groups small enough for everyone to know everyone. The letter to the Hebrews urges believers not to forsake “the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is” (Hebrews 10:25). It also says, “let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works” (Hebrews 10:24). Both verses assume that Christians are in regular, personal contact.
Today many Christians live where the nearest congregation of their tradition is far away, or they work hours when services are held, or they are ill, caring for others, imprisoned or wounded by a church. Others make a considered choice not to join a congregation. This lesson does not argue for or against that choice. It asks how any Christian who is often alone can still have real fellowship.
Step-by-step explanation
Step 1: What fellowship does
The New Testament shows fellowship doing several things. It teaches: the believers “continued stedfastly in the apostles’ doctrine and fellowship, and in breaking of bread, and in prayers” (Acts 2:42). It corrects: “Bear ye one another’s burdens” (Galatians 6:2), and “if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness” (Galatians 6:1). It helps materially: the earliest community shared goods as any had need (Acts 2:44-45). And it prays: “prayer was made without ceasing of the church unto God for him” (Acts 12:5), when Peter was in prison.
A useful test for any form of fellowship is to ask which of these four it supplies: teaching, correction, material help and prayer.
Step 2: Forms that exist without a congregation
One form is friendship with another believer who knows how you live and can tell you the truth. Another is spiritual direction, in which a trained person meets you regularly. Another is a small study or prayer group that meets in a home or online. Another is correspondence by letter or email with a pastor, a monk or a thoughtful friend. Another is a retreat at a monastery or a retreat house once or twice a year. Another is to be an oblate or lay associate of a monastery or religious order, as Benedictines and others allow. Another is a Christian counselor or chaplain. And another is simple service: helping at a food bank, caring for a neighbor, which puts you among believers and non-believers in practical work.
None of these is the same as belonging to a congregation, but each can supply some of what fellowship does.
Step 3: Online fellowship
Many Christians now meet others online, in video groups, forums and message boards. These can be a real help to the housebound, to people in remote places and to those who need to find others of a rare tradition. They also have clear limits. People can present themselves as they wish, and difficult conversation is easy to leave. A forum may reward the loudest voices, and a community without any face-to-face life may not know when a member is in trouble.
A sensible rule is to treat online fellowship as a supplement to at least one relationship in which someone knows your real name, your circumstances and your habits, and can reach you.
Step 4: What the traditions say it cannot replace
Catholic and Orthodox Christians teach that no form of fellowship replaces the sacraments and the liturgy of the church, and so they urge those who cannot attend to keep praying, to ask for a priest’s visit, and to attend as they are able. Many Protestants, especially in Lutheran and Reformed traditions, say the same about the preaching of the Word and the Lord’s Supper in a gathered church. Baptists and many evangelicals emphasize the gathered local church as the normal setting for the ordinances, and for mutual discipline.
Others, including some independent Christians and Quakers, hold that spiritual fellowship does not require a regular weekly gathering. All of these positions deserve a hearing. A person who chooses a different path should be able to state, fairly, what the traditions would say he or she is giving up.
Step 5: Build a realistic set
List what you need: someone to pray with, someone to correct you, someone to teach you and someone to serve with. Match each need to a real person or group. Be modest and specific, for example: a monthly call with a friend from college, two retreats a year at a nearby monastery, a letter to a pastor at Advent, a study group on Thursdays. Write down the names. If a need has no name beside it, treat that as the next task.
- Who knows how I really live?
- Who can tell me that I am wrong, and have I invited them to?
- Which of the four things (teaching, correction, material help, prayer) am I missing?
- Where do I serve other people, and who sees me serving?
- Is my online community one in which someone would notice if I disappeared?
- What is the least costly step I could take this month toward more fellowship?
Examples
Monthly friend
Two friends in different cities phone on the first Sunday of each month. They read a psalm, tell each other what they are struggling with, pray, and ask each other one hard question. Each has said, “You may tell me if I am off.” (A constructed example.)
Oblate
A woman who lives alone is received as an oblate at a Benedictine monastery. She follows a modest rule at home, visits the monastery four times a year for prayer, and writes to her oblate director. The monastery gives her community, though she does not live there. (A constructed example of a real practice.)
Online only
A man is active in an online forum about theology, but nobody in it knows where he lives, and he has never spoken with any of them. When he falls into depression, no one notices. The forum is useful for study but is not fellowship in the New Testament sense. (A constructed example.)
Different perspectives
Catholic
Catholics are encouraged to take part in the life of a parish, and also in movements, prayer groups, retreats and spiritual direction. Those who are homebound receive visits and Communion from a priest or an authorized minister. Lay associations with religious orders are well established.
Orthodox
Orthodox Christians look to a parish, a priest and a spiritual father. Where there is no parish nearby, they are advised to keep in touch with a priest and, when possible, to visit a monastery. Prayer groups and pilgrimages are common ways of fellowship.
Protestant
Protestants place great weight on fellowship in small groups, Bible studies and the congregation. Many stress mutual accountability and the priesthood of all believers (1 Peter 2:9). Some free-church and independent Christians hold that fellowship can happen in house groups and friendships with no formal membership.
Scholarly and social research
Studies of social connection find that isolation is associated with worse health, and that regular contact with a few trusted people matters more than a large number of casual contacts. These findings do not settle religious questions, but they support the New Testament’s picture of personal fellowship.
Why it matters
A person who is cut off from a congregation can easily drift into loneliness without noticing. A person who has chosen solitude can easily imagine that private reading is enough. Both need to ask what fellowship they actually have. The question is practical and answerable, and it can be improved in small steps.
Common misunderstandings
Misunderstanding: Fellowship means being at church on Sunday.
Correction: Attendance can be part of fellowship, but fellowship in the Bible is a matter of shared life: prayer, teaching, help and correction.
Misunderstanding: Online groups give full fellowship.
Correction: They give some of it. Used alone, they lack the personal knowledge and presence that the New Testament assumes.
Misunderstanding: A spiritual director replaces a church.
Correction: Direction is a helpful relationship. No major tradition treats it as a substitute for the church’s worship and sacraments.
Misunderstanding: Wanting few relationships means a person is unspiritual.
Correction: Temperament varies, and a few deep friendships are enough. The question is whether the relationships you have can correct and support you.
Knowledge check
What four things does fellowship do in the New Testament?
It teaches, corrects, helps materially and prays. These appear in passages such as Acts 2, Galatians 6 and Acts 12. A form of fellowship can be tested by asking which of the four it supplies.
Name three forms of fellowship available to a person who cannot attend a congregation.
Examples: friendship with a believer who knows you, spiritual direction, a small group, correspondence with a pastor or monk, retreats, being an oblate, a Christian counselor, shared service. Any three are correct.
What are the limits of online fellowship?
People can present themselves selectively, it is easy to leave hard conversations, loud voices are often rewarded, and no one may notice when a member is in trouble. It is best as a supplement to at least one relationship with someone who knows you in person.
What do Catholic and Orthodox teaching say fellowship cannot replace?
The sacraments and the liturgy of the church. They urge people who cannot attend to pray, to seek a priest’s visit and to attend when able, and they do not regard any other fellowship as a substitute.
Think it through
- If you were seriously ill tomorrow, who would know, and who would come?
- Which kind of fellowship from this lesson have you never tried, and what has stopped you?
- What would you want a friend to say to you if they saw you drifting?
- Is your reason for avoiding a congregation one you could state to a wise pastor?
Independent assignment
A fellowship map
In your own notebook, draw or list the people and groups who fill the four needs of the lesson: teaching, correction, material help and prayer. Write 300 to 450 words describing how each relationship works in practice, how often you are in touch and what is missing. Then choose one person to contact in the next two weeks and write what you will ask of them. Do not publish this.
Further study
- Benedict of Nursia, The Rule of St. Benedict Read chapter 53, on the reception of guests, to see how a monastery treats visitors.
- Brother Lawrence, The Practice of the Presence of God A short example of a lay brother whose letters were a form of fellowship.
- Clement of Rome, Letter to the Corinthians (1 Clement) An early letter from the church in Rome to the church in Corinth about unity and order.
- Hebrews 10:24 Consider one another to provoke unto love.
- Acts 2:42 The first believers’ common life.
- Galatians 6:2 Bear one another’s burdens.
- Ecclesiastes 4:9 Two are better than one.