Program / Course 3: The Rule of Life / Lesson 6.1
What you will learn
- Describe the biblical and monastic roots of silence as a spiritual practice.
- Distinguish silence for prayer from silence as avoidance.
- Identify the dangers of silence for people who are lonely, depressed or traumatized.
- Plan a modest period of silence that fits an ordinary day.
The big idea
Silence is the deliberate quieting of speech, noise and screens in order to listen to God. Scripture links it with waiting on the Lord, and monastic rules prize it as a guard against idle talk. It can be a rich part of a rule of life. It is not for everyone at every time. Silence can also uncover grief, anxiety or memory that a person is not ready to face alone, and it can be used to avoid people and duties. A wise practice begins small and stays open to counsel.
Key terms
- Silence
- The chosen absence of speech and of noise, kept in order to pray and listen.
- Stillness
- The inward quiet that outward silence is meant to serve. The Greek word is hesychia.
- Great silence
- In monastic life, the period after night prayer until the next morning when talking is avoided.
- Waiting prayer
- Silent prayer in which one does not speak but attends to God. Quakers call their worship waiting worship.
- Rumination
- Repetitive, unproductive thinking about worries or past events. It can be mistaken for prayer.
- Avoidance
- Staying away from people, tasks or feelings to escape discomfort.
Background
Scripture often speaks of quiet before God. Be still, and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10). My soul waiteth upon God: from him cometh my salvation (Psalm 62:1). The Lord is in his holy temple: let all the earth keep silence before him (Habakkuk 2:20). It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the Lord (Lamentations 3:26). Ecclesiastes names a time to keep silence and a time to speak (Ecclesiastes 3:7). When Elijah met God on Horeb, the Lord was not in the wind, the earthquake or the fire but in a still small voice (1 Kings 19:12).
The Bible also warns about speech. James says that if any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man (James 3:2) and that a person who bridles not his tongue deceives his own heart (James 1:26). Monastic writers drew on these passages. The Rule of Benedict devotes chapter 6 to restraint of speech and chapter 42 to silence after night prayer. A saying attributed to Abba Arsenius in the Sayings of the Desert Fathers is that he had often repented of speaking, but never of keeping silent.
Step-by-step explanation
Step 1: What silence is for
The purpose of silence is to listen. In ordinary life people are surrounded by speech, music, advertisement and the pull of screens. Silence removes some of this so that the mind can settle and attend to God and to itself. It also guards the tongue. A person who speaks less has less to regret.
Silence is not a technique that guarantees an experience. The tradition teaches that it serves prayer and love. Abba Moses is reported to have told a seeker to go and sit in his cell, and the cell would teach him everything. The saying has been much quoted and it needs to be read with the rest of the tradition, which also stresses visiting, counsel and charity.
Step 2: Forms of silence
Silence can take many forms. It can be a few minutes at the start of prayer, a daily period of quiet, a silent meal, an evening without media, a day of silence each month or a retreat of several days. Some practices limit speech but allow necessary words. Others, as among Quakers, treat silence as the setting for worship together.
A beginner might start with five minutes after reading Scripture, without trying to say or achieve anything. Sit, breathe and let thoughts pass. When the mind wanders, come back gently to a word or phrase, or simply to the awareness of being in God’s presence. Add time slowly.
Step 3: The dangers
Silence has dangers that the tradition has long recognized. It can feed pride, when a person thinks himself more holy for silence. It can become avoidance, when a person stays silent to escape conflict with a spouse or colleague. It can be used as a weapon, as in the silent treatment. It can become a retreat from duties. These are failures of love, and they invert the purpose of the practice.
Silence can also bring up things that a person is not ready for. Quiet can allow grief, fear, anger or memories of trauma to surface. For many, this can be healing over time and with support. For others, particularly those with depression, anxiety disorders, a history of trauma or psychosis, extended silence and solitude can worsen symptoms. Such persons should proceed slowly, with the advice of a doctor, counselor or spiritual guide, and should stop if distress grows. The tradition itself recommends going gradually and not alone.
Step 4: Silence with others
Much of the tradition places silence within community. Monks keep silence together and speak at appointed times. Quakers sit together in silence and speak when moved. A friend or spiritual guide can listen afterward and help interpret what came. A person who keeps silence alone should have someone to talk with about it.
Silence also coexists with speech. Words of kindness, apology or thanks are not breaches of silence. Hospitality outranks silence in the Rule of Benedict, which tells the porter to answer a guest promptly with the blessing of the Lord.
- How much of my day is filled with noise I did not choose?
- What do I fear I would hear in silence?
- Am I tempted to use silence to avoid a conversation I owe someone?
- Do I turn silence into a contest of holiness?
- Whom could I talk to about what arises in silence?
- What is the smallest period of silence I could keep each day?
Examples
Five minutes
A woman sits for five minutes after her morning reading, with no phone nearby. She notices how restless she is, then how the restlessness eases. She tells her sister about it by phone on Sunday. (A constructed example.)
Silence as avoidance
A man tells his wife he needs silent time each evening. After weeks she realizes that he is using the silence to avoid discussing a problem they must face. They talk with their pastor, who helps him to separate the two. (A constructed example.)
A warning
A young woman in a time of deep grief attempts a long silent retreat alone and finds that her sadness deepens. A friend urges her to see a counselor. She returns to shorter periods of silence later, with support. (A constructed example.)
Different perspectives
The monastic view (Catholic and Orthodox)
Monastic writers praise silence as a guard of the heart and a school of attention, but link it with obedience, community and counsel. Silence is practiced under direction. Benedict calls for restraint of speech yet places hospitality above it.
The Quaker view
Friends practice waiting worship, in which the gathered group sits in silence and speaks when moved by the Spirit. Silence here is shared and is the central act of worship, not a private exercise.
The Protestant view
Many Protestants value quiet time and meditation on Scripture. Others, particularly in lively traditions, are wary of silence as passive. Reformed and Lutheran writers have emphasized listening to the word.
The clinical view
Mental health professionals note that contemplative silence has benefits for many, and that for people with trauma histories or certain conditions, long periods of silence and solitude can worsen symptoms. They advise gradual progress and professional support when needed.
Why it matters
Silence is one of the most commonly recommended practices and one of the least understood. Learning its purpose and its dangers protects against both neglect and misuse. It is also a gentle way to begin a rule, requiring no equipment and little time.
Common misunderstandings
Misunderstanding: Silence is the highest form of prayer.
Correction: The tradition honors it but does not rank it above praise, thanksgiving or intercession. Scripture is full of spoken prayer.
Misunderstanding: Silence is always safe and calming.
Correction: It can bring up distressing material and can be misused. Those with trauma or mental illness should proceed with care.
Misunderstanding: A silent person is holy.
Correction: Silence can be pride or avoidance. The fruit of silence is love and humility, not quietness alone.
Knowledge check
What are some biblical texts about silence?
Psalm 46:10, be still and know that I am God; Psalm 62:1, my soul waits upon God; Habakkuk 2:20, let all the earth keep silence; Lamentations 3:26, quietly wait; 1 Kings 19:12, the still small voice; and James 1:26 and 3:2 on the tongue. Any several are correct.
What does the Rule of Benedict say about silence?
Chapter 6 asks for restraint of speech and chapter 42 asks that silence be kept especially at night after Compline. Benedict also puts hospitality above silence, telling the porter to answer a guest quickly with a blessing. Silence serves prayer and love, not a rule for its own sake.
Name two ways silence can go wrong.
It can feed pride, or become avoidance of a conversation or duty. It can also bring up grief, anxiety or traumatic memory that a person is not ready to face alone, and can worsen symptoms in people with depression or trauma. Proceed gradually and seek advice.
How should a beginner start?
With five minutes of quiet after reading Scripture, with no phone, sitting still and returning gently to a word or to God’s presence when the mind wanders. Add time slowly, and talk with someone about the experience.
Think it through
- What might the noise in your life be protecting you from?
- What is the difference between peaceful silence and cold silence?
- What guard would you put around a long period of silence?
Independent assignment
A week of silence
In your notebook, write 300 to 450 words. For seven days, keep ten minutes of silence at a set time with no screens. After each day, note one line on what you noticed. At the end, describe what the silence gave and what it stirred up, and decide whether to continue, shorten or stop. If you find the silence troubling, speak to a trusted person. Do not post this.
Further study
- Benedict of Nursia, The Rule of St. Benedict Read chapters 6 and 42, and chapter 66 on the porter.
- Benedicta Ward, trans., The Sayings of the Desert Fathers: The Alphabetical Collection Read the sayings of Arsenius and Moses on silence and the cell.
- John Cassian, The Conferences Read for the tradition on pure prayer.
- Blaise Pascal, Pensées Pascal’s remark that people cannot sit quietly in a room is worth finding.
- Psalm 62:1 My soul waits in silence.
- 1 Kings 19:12 A still small voice.
- James 3:2 On offending in word.