Accountability for a rule of life

Program / Course 3: The Rule of Life / Lesson 7.4

What you will learn

• Explain why the tradition says a rule needs someone to whom the keeper answers.
• Describe the roles of the spiritual father, spiritual director, pastor, soul friend and small group.
• Name safeguards and warning signs in an accountability relationship.
• Choose a realistic form of accountability for a rule.

The big idea

Almost every tradition says that a rule is safer and more likely to be kept if someone besides the keeper knows about it. The desert tradition had elders, the monasteries had abbots, the Orthodox have spiritual fathers, Catholics have directors and confessors, Methodists had class meetings, and Quakers have clearness committees. A person without a church can still find a mature friend or small group. The relationship must be chosen with care, because bad accountability can do harm. Good accountability is honest, limited, kind and open to correction.

Key terms

Accountability

Being answerable to another person for how one lives or keeps a commitment.

Spiritual director

A person trained to help others notice and respond to God, usually in regular meetings. The term is common in Catholic and Anglican use.

Spiritual father or elder

In Orthodox use, a priest or monastic who guides a person’s spiritual life and may be consulted on a rule.

Soul friend

Anamchara in Irish, a person to whom one opens the soul. The idea is old in Irish Christianity.

Class meeting

A small weekly Methodist gathering in the eighteenth century, in which members reported on their spiritual progress.

Clearness committee

A Quaker practice in which a small group asks questions to help a person find clarity about a decision, without giving direct advice.

Background

Scripture says that two are better than one, because if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10). Iron sharpeneth iron (Proverbs 27:17). Paul tells believers to bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2) and to restore a person overtaken in a fault in a spirit of meekness (Galatians 6:1). The writer of Hebrews tells believers to exhort one another daily, lest any be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin (Hebrews 3:13). James urges believers to confess faults to one another (James 5:16). The pattern is mutual care.

The desert tradition made this central. A younger monk went to an elder for a word and revealed his thoughts. Cassian, in his Conference on discretion and in the Institutes, taught that a monk who hides his thoughts is in danger of deception, and that the elder helps him judge. Benedict gave authority to the abbot but also required him to take counsel with the community. Later movements, such as the early Methodists, organized small groups for mutual accountability.

Step-by-step explanation

Step 1: Forms of accountability

In the Orthodox tradition, a person seeks a spiritual father, often a priest or monk, who knows him and guides his prayer rule, fasting and confession. In Catholic and Anglican practice, a spiritual director meets monthly or so with a person to talk about prayer and life, and a confessor hears confession. Ignatian directors accompany retreats. Many Protestants rely on a pastor, a mentor or a small group that meets for Bible study and prayer. Methodists historically had class meetings and bands. Quakers have clearness committees and elders.

Outside any church, the form may be a mature friend who agrees to meet monthly, a counselor who is also a believer or a small circle of friends. What matters is that the person knows the rule, asks honest questions and is not afraid to say something difficult.

Step 2: What accountability does

Accountability does several things. It makes the rule real by stating it to another. It guards against self-deception, since a person is a poor judge of his own progress. It encourages in hard seasons. It discerns when a rule should change. And it provides a witness when the practice goes wrong.

The conversation should be specific. Instead of asking whether the person has been good, the other asks: what have you done, what have you skipped, what did you notice, what do you plan? It need not include every private matter. A person decides what to share, and a good listener respects limits.

Step 3: Safeguards and warning signs

Accountability can be abused. Be wary of anyone who demands secrecy, who tries to control finances, relationships or decisions beyond the spiritual matter at hand, who isolates you from family or friends, who claims special authority that cannot be questioned, who shames or threatens, or who crosses sexual or financial boundaries. These are signs of spiritual abuse. A healthy guide invites questions, encourages other relationships and is himself or herself accountable to someone.

Ask a prospective guide about training, experience and who they answer to. In a church, ask about the oversight of leaders. Keep other relationships alive. If you feel pressured or afraid, step back and speak to someone outside the relationship. Reporting abuse to proper authorities is appropriate.

Step 4: Finding a form when there is no church

A person with no church can ask a mature Christian friend, a retired pastor or a spiritual director from a retreat center. Many monasteries and retreat centers list directors who serve people of various traditions, sometimes for a modest fee, and some offer virtual meetings. A trusted friend in another town can serve by phone or video. A small group of two or three who commit to a monthly conversation can serve.

It is wise to start small: a trial of three meetings, a clear agreement about what will be discussed and a way to end the arrangement. Pray about the choice. Do not mistake an online audience for accountability. A person who reads one’s posts is not the same as someone who knows one’s life. Accountability for spiritual matters is distinct from therapy, and a counselor or physician should be consulted for mental health concerns.

1. Who knows how I really keep my rule?
2. What would I be afraid to tell a guide, and why?
3. What qualities do I want in a guide?
4. What warning signs would make me leave an arrangement?
5. Do I use accountability as a way to avoid deciding for myself?
6. How often could I meet someone, realistically?

Examples

Different perspectives

The Orthodox view

The spiritual father is central to Orthodox life, a person to whom one opens thoughts and receives counsel. Orthodox teachers also warn against placing blind trust in any guide and urge testing guidance against Scripture and the church’s teaching.

The Catholic view

Catholics have spiritual directors and confessors. Church teaching on direction stresses discernment, respect for the freedom of the directed and the guide’s accountability. Those entrusted with others are bound by norms against abuse.

The Protestant view

Protestants rely on pastors, small groups, mentors and mutual confession. The Methodist class meeting was a famous example. Many evangelical groups encourage accountability partners. Others caution that peer accountability without pastoral oversight can become shallow or controlling.

The Quaker and secular view

Quakers use clearness committees and elders. Secular approaches, such as coaching and peer support groups, also stress the value of being known. In each case, the quality of the listener and the boundaries of the relationship matter.

Why it matters

The rule most likely to fail is the rule nobody knows about. The traditions differ in structure but agree on the principle. Because bad accountability can harm, a student needs both the encouragement to seek it and the warnings to do so wisely. The program’s other lessons assume that the student has chosen a person.

Common misunderstandings

Knowledge check

Think it through

1. Who has helped you to see yourself more truly?
2. What would make you trust a guide?
3. What is the difference between accountability and control?

Independent assignment

Choosing a person

In your notebook, write 300 to 450 words. List the qualities you want in a person who would know your rule. Name two or three people or places you could ask. Write the question you will ask, the trial period you will propose and the limits of what you will share. Write the warning signs that would lead you to step back. Do not post it.

Further study

• John Cassian, The Conferences Read the conference on discretion and the elder.
• Benedicta Ward, trans., The Sayings of the Desert Fathers: The Alphabetical Collection Read sayings in which a younger monk seeks a word from an elder.
• John Wesley, Sermons on Several Occasions Read for the Methodist idea of mutual watch.
• Benedict of Nursia, The Rule of St. Benedict Read chapters 2 and 3 on the abbot and on calling the community for counsel.
• Proverbs 27:17 Iron sharpens iron.
• Ecclesiastes 4:9 Two are better than one.
• Hebrews 3:13 Exhort one another daily.